HOW YOU CAN EFFECTIVELY MANAGE WORK RELATIONSHIP WITH A DIFFICULT COLLEAGUE

Workplaces are indeed one of the most important places we find ourselves almost every day in our work life, and as important as our workplaces are, so also are the rising challenges we face almost on a daily basis. It is not uncommon that we tend to complain about the stress that comes with our jobs and to add to that are personal attitudes of colleagues that do not add to the quality of our day at work.

Dealing with difficult colleagues on a daily basis can be extremely trying and frustrating, but mostly, the resolve lies with us without knowing. One thing that is usually certain is that when for any reason you begin to have regular difficulties in dealing with a colleague at work, you want a change to that, and to bring about the change, you need to find a way to identify what the problem is and then strive for a way to resolve the problem. However, most times, when problems arise between colleagues, it may not be very easy to find such solutions as quickly as expected because such difficult colleague may not be willing to look out for solutions as you do, so, you may want to look within and see how you can influence the necessary change through working on yourself, learning to understand the person, accommodating the difficult person, trying other collaborative efforts to ensure cooperation or other stiff practices on how to go through tough situations with peace and grace.

There are different reasons we tend to brand some colleagues ‘difficult’;   but considering the inadequacies of human nature, it is always important to examine other factors connected to the situation or colleagues being tagged as difficult. Sometimes, problems arise simply because we do not agree on some set of rules, beliefs or values that do not necessarily have anything to do with the work itself and because your perspective greatly influences your responses, you may need to review your perspective on such issues as they do not directly affect the work you both do. For instance, a colleague who regularly chews gum at work may become increasingly annoying or irritating to you because you do not value such habits and to some extent this could begin to cause some friction between you, but if you simply ignore it, try mind your business, though not necessarily needing to like the habit, both of you may come to know some peace, because sometimes trying to change a colleague’s personality or attitudes often don’t generate the kind of effect expected. However, you could politely speak to your colleague about the habit if there is room for that and if it changes things then the better, otherwise just leave things as they are and get something else to get your attention off such habit you don’t like about your colleague, so that it doesn’t generate into a real big issue, especially when it does not directly affect your productivity and efficiency at work, and particularly if it doesn’t even affect other people.   

In general, People tend to be difficult when they are not sure of the mutual benefits in a collaborative effort, particularly when it has to do with team work; so, you need to be open and to always let everyone know what’s in it for them and not just you reaping the entire bonus.

In contrast to that, if the source of the problem is anything to do with your efficiency, performance or convenience at work and other related matters, then you would have to be firm and assertive in regards to seeing things change for the better.  In cases where the problem between you and a colleague does affect your performance, then there is a need for a good conversation. Don’t leave minor problems unattended otherwise; they will grow into major stress. It’s good to have simple and honest conversation about the problems before it all escalates.

Most of the time, it is of great importance to have one to one conversation with a colleague whose attitude confronts your performance or progress. In a case where you sense bullying or behaviours that intentionally undermine your abilities, there are needs for a clear-cut action, because there is a clear recognition of what acceptable behaviour is and what is not. Any negative behaviour that undermines, threatens, deliberately offends or humiliates is bullying and apart from that, when you begin to feel nervous about work simply because of a workmate, it generally affects your well being and may spread to other aspects of your life.

As earlier stated, even when the problem is largely work related, seeking resolve in a polite and professional manner produces better results.

You will have to ensure that you control your temper, don’t become a nuisance disrupting public peace, be in charge of your responses and don’t get carried away to prevent over reacting. Make conscious choices about how you will respond, whether you get what you want or not so that there will be room for a problem-solving environment that will incorporate everyone’s needs, values, and perspectives.

If you go about solving the problem with open minds, you will find out that even the most irritating and vociferous work mates are the best to have on the team, provided you deal properly with them. You could turn their hidden talents into assets for everyone. You must know that every employee/colleague is a valuable asset, whatever they are like.

Other tips for dealing with difficult work colleagues include;

Build Relationships:
All you need to do is to establish cordial work relationship with your co-workers by simply talking to people. Do not make yourself an island at work. Listen to people. Spend time with them and show you all belong together as colleagues.

Focus on Outcomes:
You have goals and visions for yourself as an employee and whilst you are working towards these, you are able to take really objective positions which mould your attitude and personality. Working with a 'difficult person' is challenging, but focus on where you are going, not the personal issues you face.

Be Open:

Being open to other people’s situation, personalities often allow for greater tolerance and it fosters warm relationship amongst colleagues. Manage your internal judging voice and Seek to understand `difficult people’ quite clearly. Being judgemental will not allow you reason properly because our judgements if given the chance sometimes becloud honest reasoning.

Often, difficult people needs attention, and they need you to agree with them, you may need not to, in order to get rid of them for instance when someone regularly bores you with dirty gossips, undue complaints about work, or unflinching intimidation. Other times, giving them the attention they need by seeking their input and making them feel important to work decision, when they exhibit traits of someone being resented, unappreciated or unimportant and thereby becoming increasingly unpleasant may be the only trick you need.

Dealing with difficult people needs working on you, your patience, persistence, endurance and professionalism, but the effort will always worth the final outcome.

Why give unconditionally?

All around us, we seem to hear, echo and speak of giving, sharing and showing kindness. It’s been proved severally that these are the best acts that can make the world a better place, and of course we can’t be wrong with the scientific and the spiritual laws of giving and receiving. There is no doubt that even the tiniest of such good gestures goes a long way. Naturally, it is believed that when you give out in kindness, you in turn receive kindness in multiple folds. However, giving and sharing love and goodness starts from you. You are supposed to look after yourself as much as you will look after other people. So it starts inwardly and is extended to other people. You can’t give love if you don’t have love within you and if you don’t love yourself how you could express love to other people. If you do not invest time, money and care in yourself how do you expect to reap and share from your inner qualities? And remember, it is what you make of yourself that you can share around.

I chatted to a friend about sharing love and goodness with other people without forgetting myself but she believed that was not selfless enough. So, I made an allusion of a situation where I was as hungry as someone else and I had simply a bowl of food; it will only be wise and realistic if I shared the bowl of food between us appropriately than give it all to the other person leaving my tummy empty and my whole body without strength, except if I wanted to create an `impression’ or awaits a reward from that action. Sharing the bowl of food between both of us would have left me with no sense of doing something great while I did what was necessary when needed and ideally, I would have forgotten I did anything at all.

What beats me is, often, when we give out we give for the wrong reasons which is why we don’t receive the kind of things we are supposed to receive when we give. We simply give that we may receive back directly from our actions. As I said earlier, the law of reciprocity is universal. When you give with pure hearts you receive from the purity and abundance of nature, but when you give specifically to gain in whatever form, yes, you may do, but you will only limit the source from which you can receive from the abundance of the universe. Showing love, kindness, concern and all these nice things with a reason only diffuses your purpose and intention for giving, it as a matter of fact becomes a determinant in you doing as much charity or acts of kindness as you can. A lot of people hold back on giving because they think they are not sure of getting the recognition, praise or appreciation they deserve, others think if they give from what they acquire through hard work, they are being unnecessarily generous or may lack in some ways. On the other hand, some people do nice things that they may gain authority, power or dominance over their recipients. All of these rewards may come but would have defeated the purpose for which any individual should be generous or kind. We should always give kindness and show goodness for no reason except that it’s pleasant to both of you.

For instance, when you render a service or an act of kindness for recognition and for some reasons you fail to receive the recognition and appreciation you require, it automatically affects your purpose of rendering the service in the first place and a multiplication effect is that you are likely to withdraw from doing such things because you fear for uncertain `paybacks’ you consciously expect.

A direct sale recruit once told me that as a strategy to sell, she made a duty of smiling to all her neighbours far and near. As time went by some people became regular customers some bought things occasionally and some neighbours couldn’t be bothered. Soon those who noticed her new attitude when she became more friendly, smiley and nice did not fail to notice it, when she maintained such stance only with neighbours who continued to patronise her and continued to be her normal self to others who couldn’t be bothered, and soon it all collapsed because more than ever, she’d exposed her personality problem.

Being nice to others shouldn’t be for a reward other than it makes both parties feel good, and giving as much as a smile could be as heavenly as life.

Value your creation and appreciate your existence

Early one morning, as I hurried to work, I realized I had forgotten to do a number of things which I ought to have done; I had probably overslept the previous night. As I got to the train station, I remembered I had to make a call before boarding the train, and as I took out my phone from my bag, I was utterly surprised that the battery had gone completely flat, leaving my heart to pound fiercely, invading every possible option for a resolve to my problem. While I thought of what to do, I saw the train approached my platform, I knew once I got on to it there was no more hope for me being an underground train, even if I got to borrow a phone from someone nice, which is less likely to happen. In a flash of seconds, the train pulled by and hesitantly I hopped on, otherwise I was going to be late for work.

Sitting opposite a gentle man and a lady both of whom I was sure were going to work as well, I tried to juggle, my chances of making my call once I got to work wishing that things will not get out of hands. As I thought harder, unconsciously, I looked at the man and woman sitting right opposite me, as a line of their discussion pinched me. They weren’t particularly talking in low tones so it was easy to hear every of their conversation. “…do you know that not being sent for that training and the events after it has taught me to appreciate everything about life” the man said. I definitely couldn’t ask why, but there was an indication of something extraordinary about what he had said. Luckily, he continued. “I was really furious when I learnt of the list and realized my name was not on it, but look at me today, I am well and alive. Not that I rejoice that some of my colleagues have plunged to death as a result of a plane crash on their way from Dubai, where they had the training course, I’m just grateful that I’m alive today. So, there is a reason to appreciate and gratify whatever comes your way.” He said.

Having heard that, I had an idea of what he was trying to say and it beckoned back to me how well you should appreciate every situation you find yourself, perhaps there is always something to learn and value with every passing moment. From that day, I began to think good of my situation even the one I was facing at that moment. I said to myself; it was probably for a good reason and of course, it started manifesting before I got off the train. When you appreciate your situation you will open doors to explore greater opportunities coming forth.

Appreciation starts from as little as valuing our bodies and every part of it. Firstly, take a few moments from now, sit and begin to appreciate your body. It has taken you on so many adventures and experiences. No matter what your current situation is, be thankful that you are alive, even if your health is far from being perfect, you should still appreciate your body because in its appreciation you will open doors to explore ways of getting better. Appreciation lightens the heart and helps you feel better rather than be gloomy. Everyone has the ability of self-healing when you feel positive about your state of health when you are not very well. The likelihood of getting well or not depends greatly on how you feel about yourself.

On a general note, taking time to appreciate your body from top to toes will make you realize what a fabulous creation you are.

Learn to appreciate the food you eat, bless it and cherish it. There are too many things that could be appreciated in one’s life that will lead to increase in the good things of life than we can count; Families, Friends, work, the opportunity of every second witnessed alive, nature and lots more. Some people go through some difficult times so that they may move further to higher levels of endowments. While some people take courage and weather it through, others stop mid- way and botch the opportunity. Appreciation and gratitude are virtues.

I’ve heard so many people say, what is there to appreciate when I don’t have a job, money I require to meet my needs, a home to cherish and so on- but you will be surprised that feeling positive about these moments and believing that there opportunities to explore at such times, bring about new things you could never have imagined. Appreciation breeds self-esteem.



For example, when someone becomes unemployed; why not see it as a means to get to a next level of achievement? Why not see it as an opportunity to explore other avenues? Why not see a positive side to it. Why not search within and develop something new? Everybody has their creative potentials. After all, great things start from small beginnings and often, it is by turning tough times to tantalizing moments that human beings really get great. However, that can only be done when you see such situations as one for you to appreciate your other skills and maximise your potentials with the time you’ve got, and so does it apply to many other disappointing aspects and moments in life. There is always a blessing in every disappointment but you need to look really deeply to identify and appreciate it. Appreciation and gratification come with so many advantages.

Set your Goals above your fear

“Fear is the secret robber that steals away your joy.”

You would have subjected yourself to the dictates of fear at some point in life no doubt and this is nothing but forming a fringe between you and your success. Fear though, is a natural feeling that no individual can be blamed for accepting, your ability to face your fear and overcome it, is an action statement that makes or mars your success. I do not believe that there are certain fears in life that are beyond being overcome, not even the fear of death, for not until death strikes should any being stop striving.

Take for example; a situation where a person is diagnosed of a chronic or life-threatening ailment; often for the fear of dying or becoming seriously ill, a lot of people lose hope of recovery even before their symptoms become physically visible, thereby giving way for a complete breakdown of their entire system. I have seen people who on the other side, have come out triumphantly, living up to the challenges of such situations, with determination and more than not, succeeded with life. There is no doubt that a change of attitude towards those things we see as difficult or challenging is the key for bringing down our fears.

Reasons why people restrain fear:

Not to be rejected- For the fear of being rejected, ridiculed or your ideas being cast off, a lot of people have failed to take steps that will lead to empowering them and taking control of their lives. When you fear that you will be rejected and thereby decide not to explore your potentials, you are in essence rejecting yourself.

To avoid temporary discomfort-When you retreat from the challenges you fear, you will never achieve those goals and aspirations you aim for due to your inability to fully develop your skills and talent and this would only give you the relief from the discomforts you will initially go through, having stepped forward for the big challenge. Essentially, tackling fear is about taking bold steps and believing you are stronger than your fears to the point of overcoming whatever the fear is. However, it is good to note that it is not an easy task. It is one that has to do with you stepping out of your comfort zone and be slightly discomforted. For example, having to learn new skills, change career, meet new prospects or taking up any new challenges, could stretch you out of your usual bounds, but not willing to take action is allowing fear to rob you of your creativity, power and ability.

Not to be labelled a failure- It is natural that the initial stage of any procedure gets unsteady, and we all know that it takes time to develop one’s skill or talent at doing anything. The most important thing is the willingness to it squarely. Sometimes, when you want to impress the world around you, you will end up losing focus because your aims will be submerged. You should follow your dreams push through fear and build your confidence. Fortunately too, when you develop yourself in a particular area, you will be marvelled at how you will discover more of your potentials in other areas.

When you do not confront the fears that stand in opposition to your goals, you will only Sabotage your success, destroy your confidence, diminish your self esteem and sink yourself in the strength of your inadequacies. For queries and comments on the articles on this page, please email writingcrafts350@gmail.com