Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Little tests of life shows how prepared you are for a change or turn of events in your life. People crave positive changes but are not willing to put in the required action to bring the change to fruition. I strongly believe in the motto, “no pain no gain” – now, depending on what pain means to you. It ranges from working a bit of extra hours to getting on the computers when you should be relaxing or sleeping to having to sacrifice your time, money and passion to achieve a set goal. Whatever that translates to within your schedule, it boils down to you having to get out of your comfort zone and doing otherwise, those things you will ordinarily not do on ‘a good day’.
From south to north, east to west, people of success that I have come to know are people who worked really hard to achieve their goals and remained consistence with those values such as dedication, determination, persistence, endurance, enthusiasm, optimism and hard work that ensured continued victory in the land of success.
Most times, changes are strategically planned and walked into with calculated steps, although procedures may differ from person to person, in terms of how much work was put into the planning and how great the strides were, which sometimes, make it look like the change came by sheer stroke of luck for other people.
I know there are a lot of people looking out to having great positive changes to happen in their lives but are either not sure what steps to take or afraid of taking these steps. Wherever you are; these are a few tips on how to make change happen and mange it.
Visualize the change:
Imagine what change you want, when and how you want it and keep a bird’s-eye-view of the landscape. This will help you attune your actions towards your goal and keep you focused on what you want to achieve.
Reflect on your own values, strength and weaknesses:
Spend time reflecting on your values. Weight those attributes you cherish about yourself and look inwards, as to how best you can use these values and possibly your strengths to achieve your goals. Also, think about your weaknesses and imagine how you can turn your weaknesses into strengths at this time to achieve your goals. Better still, you could find ways of seeking help to deal with these weaknesses if it’s in your way against achieving your goals.
Have a clear vision:
It is important to know what and why you want change. A sense of purpose is essential to success and effectiveness, and if you do not have a clear idea of what you want or you want it, you may not achieve any long standing change. Successful change comes when you can clarify your goals and build on the bedrock of purpose.
You do not have to be a genius to achieve positive change in your life. All you need is a good sense of commitment and focus that keeps you going. Once you know what you want, find ways of getting it; keep trying. Recording progress and being grateful of the progress, no matter how little grows your strength for persistence. Never quit and remain determined with a bit of hard work.
Be flexible and creative:
Think outside the box, if it’s not happening one way try another direction. Do not stick solely to your ideas and knowledge, learn from other people, seek meaningful advice and be ready to change some of your ways of doing things.
Accept change and know your limits:
Life is a pool of change, so keep in mind the uncertainties that may occur. Take cognizance of those things you may not be able to change by keeping high, your abilities to adapt your situations and circumstances. Bear in mind that there is no such situation as ‘unbearable’, but rather your responses and attitudes toward these situations will affect the outcome of things.
Focus your time and energy on being positive and optimistic. Optimism gives you the power to stay on course and ability to keep striving on, well.
Saturday, 4 May 2013
At different times in life, no doubt, there will be goals you want to work on and achieve. These may be in form of physical projects you want to embark upon or other financial goals. Setting goals do not only keep your body and mind active, it gives you a purpose to live for. Having different goals to work on enables you to live a life rid of boredom and frustration and gives you the opportunity to discover and make the best use of your potentials. No doubt setting goals may be quite challenging, but such challenges will help you grow and be who you want to be eventually. While it is quite easy for some people to come clear with their goals, others find it quite difficult to identify what their goals are, which makes it a lot difficult to solve problems they face. Getting professionals to help you with identifying and setting your goals will definitely be worthwhile. If you are fortunate enough to clearly identify your goals at different times and different stages of your life, you then may have proved that you know what you want and perhaps also, know ways of achieving it. Your inability to deal adequately well with goal setting and achievement explains why as many people as cannot be accounted for, fall among those who constantly see themselves as not being able to achieve goals they have set for themselves. However, once you have been able to set your goals, you must ensure to handle the processes responsibly in order to achieve success. How then do you remain focused and eventually become successful with your goals? How do you avoid falling by the wayside and throwing it all away?
There are really no hard and fast rules to how you can remain focused and eventually achieve what you have set out to achieve. All you need basically is the right attitude, the right approach and the right mindset.
Here are some tips for you to consider in helping you stay focused and on track, to achieve your goals.
Prioritize your goals
You may have one huge goal or several huge goals you want to accomplish at different times or at a particular time. To make your goals effective and achievable, you must learn to prioritize your goals. If you have one big goal you want to accomplish, for example you want to start your own business; break this goal into bits and pieces, and begin tackling it one goal at a time or at the most, work on the three most important phases of this goal, once accomplished, you can then move to the next level.
When you want to achieve a huge goal without breaking it down, you may stretch yourself thin, resulting in less efficiency and probably not achieving anything. So, what you do is, prioritize your goals in order of importance and then pick the most important goals; say 1-3 most important goals to start with. Do not embark on other goals if you do not complete these ones.
For example, you have about 6-7 goals to accomplish and you list them:
- Get a shop/office
- Buy some equipment
- Begin some marketing campaigns
- Build your website
- Learn more about your business and how to succeed
- Put money aside for back ups
- Get a new car for the business
Pick the most important from the list and work on them.
Create a vision Board
The essence of you creating a vision board is to remind you every day of the goals you have set for yourself, so that you do not forget or lose focus or concentration. It helps you visualize your goals more clearly, which inevitably inspires you to take consistent action. What is a vision board? It’s a collage of pictures and images that represent your goals and dreams. Vision board reinforces your goals to you and reminds you to take action so as to move forward.
Ensure your drive/motivation is strong enough
Whatever goal you set must have the strength and huge motivation to keep you going no matter what. It is only then that you will be able to face challenges that come with achieving your goal and overcome these challenges. Without a strong drive for your goal, your tendency of falling by the wayside and not achieving your goal is quite high. Have you ever asked yourself why you want to become an entrepreneur? (For example). Are you convinced of the reasons you truly want to own and start your business. Is that purpose strong enough to keep you going, etc?
Master your skills:
Obviously, great things start from small beginnings and acquiring knowledge and seeking to be better at what you do should be a lifelong thing. It may take some time for you to master all the skills required to be a guru in your chosen business, but ensure that you make all efforts necessary to improve your performance and quality of service. You must always aim to be a master at what you do and be willing to share knowledge with others.
E.G- Learn good customer relations practices, good refund practice, good marketing/advertising skills, learn to brand your products/services positively with good reputation, quality product line/ services, etc. Go for more training if need be.
Tackle your limiting beliefs: Often, I hear clients, friends say, “I doubt if I will be able to make it because I don’t see myself a very good business person”
I can’t manage a business because nobody in my family ever succeeded as a business man/woman. We are better at office jobs; etc. All such messages are sent to your unconscious mind and are processed and worked upon. Now your unconscious mind will begin to respond and act upon the messages and symbols you send across, distributing the kind of energy you transmit from your conscious mind. So, if you believe you cannot make it as a business person, the response you will begin to get will be that of someone who cannot make it as a business person no matter what. So, if you’ve had any negative or limiting beliefs whatsoever find ways to work on them eradicate such and free yourself. Take advantage of the opportunities you have and make the use of your potentials.
Identify any obstacles/barriers and find ways to break them- Barriers could be inform of time, I hear people say “I’ve not been able to do... because I haven’t got time, money, support, family, etc. Whatever the barriers are, seek help and ensure you step above such.
Network and surround yourself with like -minded people: Find knowledge, friendship and support to help you build a strong base for your goals. Find ways of meeting like minded people to discuss, and explore new ideas and ways of doing things. For example, read about the latest trends around the type of goal you are embarking upon, or in your chosen business field; attend seminars and workshops and engage in other things that could help your business grow.
Secondly, surround yourself with people who will encourage and help you accomplish your goals and also give you honest and constructive criticisms as well as challenge you towards achieving your goals.
Keep a progress record sheet – The importance of tracking results and achievements is to enable you to measure how well you have performed within a period of time. It helps you identify your performance metrics, and guide you as to where you need to improve or where you added value. You could keep a daily journal of your efforts and achievement, this way you will ensure taking actions and improving on your outcomes. Now are days there are so many ways of analysing the progress you make.
Celebrate achievements: One important reason you need the progress record sheet is for you to identify every success or achievement you’ve made at different stages and then celebrate those achievements. As you reach each of the milestones, give yourself a treat, pause, feel the accomplishment and enjoy the pleasure that comes with such success before moving on. As you savour the joy of your accomplishments you will believe more in yourself and strongly that you will in fact reach your goal.
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Thanks to the words of the Universe that fills my presence like a bloom verse. Oh! How stunning our perception of issues, situations and events can change things for better or for worse. The way you view a circumstance or a situation, determines the success you can achieve in managing the situation. Your view point on any issue or circumstance, greatly affects your mindset, thoughts and actions to follow, and that is why a positive mindset towards situations all good or bad; is most beneficial. It is always best to make an effort to examine the positive aspects of an event or a situation, even though, may seem unclear.
Your perspective or point of view, can subjectively colour your interpretation of events and circumstances, particularly when you focus primarily on how it affects you in the short term. Our perception affects almost every aspect of our lives, from simple conversations to individual belief systems. Perception affects your attitudes and overall disposition towards everything. Hence, allowing a positive outlook will help you work towards turning things round and making the best of every situation you find yourself. If you perceive life negatively, your sub conscious mind tends to know and think only of the sorrows, darkness, failures and trials therein, that when happiness comes, your perception will not allow your consciousness apprehend and recognise it. There is no doubt however, that the true state of your personal affairs may be worrisome, but perceiving it as "insurmountable", is greater harm, than looking differently, perhaps more positively, as to how to deal with the difficult situation.
Most times, positive outlook promotes positive attitudes towards situations, events and circumstances, which will help you face life challenges with courage and optimism. When you travel new paths and embark on new journeys with courage, faith and vigour, your abilities will soar, and triumphant you will become. There is so much guidance around you when you look through problems and difficulties with faith and optimism, as it helps rebuild your trust in getting back to shape. Your thoughts will begin to mould towards the direction you have set your energies, and your actions will be dictated by your positively self-carved motivations.
Thursday, 13 September 2012
How many times have you reminded yourself about that project or goal you've just put on hold or shoved off ? How many appointments have you called off or simply ignored because you thought it was better if scheduled for later, possibly another time more suitable or appropriate? Don't you forget, there may never be a suitable time until you are ready to make one available.
When you begin to postpone project start date, shift appointment time unjustifiably, and make alterations on your 'to-do' list without concrete actions, you will be alarmed, when you look back at time, how needlessly, you've put it to so much misuse.
Now and then, when it pops to mind that you are procrastinating a project or something of that sort, and probably tell yourself "it's time I stopped procrastinating this project", possibly due to an urge to do something, an inspiration from someone else's achievement or just a personally induced set plan to begin taking actions. This sort of feeling could indeed produce an action that could make massive difference you've always craved, rather than sitting on your marvellous dreams and aspirations all in the name of some flimsy excuses you may never get over, until you prepare to get over your fear and step beyond your comfort zone. Not until that step is taken, the feeling, may well just be as meaningless.
At this point, when you finally decide to take action, recognising and nurturing the feeling of power and positivity comes as important as actually stepping out to make those very first crucial moves. Whether what you need to do, is drafting a list of requirements, set out and plan your goals and objectives in a smart, realistic and chronological order, or even a phone call to get it all started, putting in a meaningful action, is definitely a critical step to take, if your dream must become a reality.
No doubt many people procrastinate due to a general blame on time or sometimes, lack of fund to execute their projects or manage their goals. However, in true practicalities these more often than not, are not genuine reasons those projects couldn't be implemented. This is because it takes readiness, courage , creativity and determination to find ways of reaching a dream land, rather than waiting endlessly in sheer expectation without any invention, to clear a regular , conventional path. Always blame yourself and nothing else, anytime you procrastinate on your goals needlessly. For you to achieve anything , you must be prepared to take actions, face challenges and also take risks , at every single stage in developing, planning and achieving your goals. It must be noted that it is not the grandest of action that will make things happen, rather, it is the positive, regular, focused tiny steps you begin to take that defines where and how your dreams will lead. Knowing how to formulate your actions for successful implementation of your plans is highly important, with an added tint of creativity in manipulating whatever comes your way, always to your advantage as much as you can, and most of all, your determination to succeed, will be a platform to build your actions and thoughts on.
Sunday, 23 October 2011
10 Ways To Say NO
One of the reasons people get tied down to where they do not want to be, is because they have refused to say no to those circumstances that have continually tied them down. Whether it's a human factor or a nagging situation, learning to say no at the right time, place and in the right manner, gives you much more than feeling fulfilled, it also clears the path for you to live without blaming yourself or getting unnecessarily angry at yourself.
Your inability to say no will affect your productivity and efficiency, being the result of taking on too many commitments, and when you take on too many things at a time, performance or excellent performance becomes a problem. Do you have difficulty saying "no"? Are you always trying to be nice to others at your expense?
Well, you’re not alone. For some reasons, many people have ditched the word 'no', to hurt themselves while they please others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be nice to people, but do not be unfair to yourself while being nice to people.
Why you find it difficult to say "NO".
You don't want to hurt the other person’s feelings - Saying 'no', necessarily doesn't mean hurting other people's feelings. It all depends on how you say it and your intent for saying no. Although you necessarily do not have to justify your reason for saying 'no', it is a great Personal development practice to ensure it's best for you when you do so.
You don't want to disappoint the person you’re saying 'no' to: We all get disappointed once in a while, and even nature as taught us to live by disappointments sometimes; when you can't help it, acknowledge it, and let the other person know, it's because you can't just fit it in.
Willingness to help: Sometimes, we feel the urge to help, even if the weight pulls us down. Imagine a Camel on the Sahara, each time it takes on this particular luggage, it walks six steps and then it goes down, for three consecutive attempts it happened so, isn't time to take a break? That is exactly what happens to you when you aim to help out, even though you are not capable of helping out. Identify it, say it nicely and free your mind. If you go ahead, you may stop mid-way and that hurts more on both sides.
You want to keep a long lasting relationship- If you must know, what keeps relationship, is being a true honest self, right from the outset. When you continually please people for the wrong reasons, you will someday come to a point, where you can go no further and this is when you begin to disappoint people . You however have a duty to live up to it and take the step, knowing how to say no.
Don't want to be rude: This is just a 'mind -set', that when you say 'no', you are being rude . Saying 'no' does not necessarily mean being rude, rather the manner with which you say it, may be rude, and that is why you need to learn how to say 'no' nicely.
You want to be seen and called "Nice"- The only nice thing about being nice is feeling soulfully nice.
To avoid conflict: No matter how hard you try, some people just want you to accept whatever they want you to do and never seem to understand your point of view. For this reason, or just because you assumed so, you feel jerky there might be a conflict if you reject him/her. What I will say is; try avoid any form of confrontation, try to say' no', as politely as you can, hold on to the fact that, it's simply because you can't afford to help the person, and sooner than later, you will feel the inner peace you deserve.
10 Simple Ways To Say “No”
Rather than have it as a burden on you, just follow these simple ways to turn down things or situations you sincerely can't help.
1. "I Will not be able to this at this time."
2."No, I can’t."
3."This is not a really good time as I’m in the middle of something."
4."I will be privileged to assist once I complete this project".
5."No, not now, you may get in touch later".
6. "I’d love to do this, but …"
7." I'm fully booked at the moment, and will not be able to take up more responsibilities".
8."I’m not the best person to help on this."
9."How could you expect me to do a thing like that for you?"
10."I wish I could help..."
Learning the art of saying no, may save more than the burden of getting overworked and having to live with limitless commitments.
Friday, 30 September 2011
..."My failing identity leaves me poorlyThe absence of true life is sickly
Whether here or there I know not
Here is no longer where it ought
So hot hardly can bear
And no air; can I hear
In my silence I know solitude
For a dashed hope I take refuge
Such that my soul deserves not
...in my silence there is pain..."
Anthology of Poems. Mutiat Adebowale,2010.
The Human structure is naturally inclined to put up with feelings such as Self-pity, self-rejection and pessimism, at the beat of the negatives that adversity tends to bring. For the fear of pain, torture and sufferings, people allow their minds to be evaded by twisting emotions they allow to rule them, rather than take full control of the situation.
When you look beyond the negatives you feel towards a difficult situation, you will find that there is always an uplifting meaning you can attribute to it. All you need do is, switch angle, and view your situation from a different perspective. Adversities tend to come with specific lessons to be learnt and more often than not, they make you stronger if you allow a positive outlook to it. This is not to say there are no breaking points in life, but beyond this, is just a chance of rediscovery, if you do not give up hope, or give in to despair, worry and those other emotions that creep in when challenges come. When you fail to crumble, you can begin to feel the strength that lies within you, and communicate not with the pains of your body, but with the salvation in the power of your soul.
When you positively appraise threatening events, you are more likely to adapt positively to the situation, creating positive changes in your personal and spiritual well being. Researchers have shown that finding benefits and reminding one's self of the benefits embedded in a rather difficult situation, can improve one's emotional well being, even at the most difficult of times.
It is not surprising that during deep trials and challenges, relationships with family and friends become more strengthened, when you accept it, you will gain positive optimism, patience, courage, resilience, tolerance and sometimes, a valued change in your life's priorities. Adversities creates a whole new vision if your thoughts are properly channelled.
The point is that, we generally have a basic assumption of a "set-order" of life, which makes adversity become a shattering experience when it happens, because we have assumed we are invulnerable to harm and can set value to everyday event. In reality however, this is nothing but a personal theory that holds no ground. Knowing and accepting the realities of change helps you better accommodate the new realities and build structures for your personal adaptation.
To effectively manage any crisis situation or any adversity, you need to acknowledge it and accept it. Shying away from the challenges or not accepting it, will rather make it a bigger issue and extend the process and time to tackle it. Know that the powers to respond positively towards the adversity , eventually lies with you.
Be grateful for the other things that give you wholesome happiness, for in your gratitude, you will make a path for self-rediscovery, you will be able to look beyond your present situation and look ahead to the opportunities that lies beyond the present predicament.
Reach for a higher state of superior self-awareness. Re-evaluate yourself. As earlier said, adversity helps you grow in mind and in soul, it makes you become resilient to events as they unfold and gives the opportunity for positive personality change, thereby helping you to practise and grow with a 'mind-set' you never once thought about.
Change your view point about it. Know that adversities are a part of life, and are mostly temporary as adversities if well handled. If it doesn't kill you, it helps you become stronger in life. Change your mental frame from seeing your situation as a problem to a prospect.
By understanding that there also benefits in any situation you find yourself, no matter how difficult at first, you will be able to explore and understand the positives sides to your situation. You will also be able to put the new reality adversity brings, to a good use if you view it with an open mind.
Take action. Adversity demands you do something. You need to decide what steps you can almost immediately take to help yourself; no matter how little. Getting to do something no matter how small, is definitely more productive than doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity and complaining.
Develop new strategy, technique or a manner or get help from a professional therapist/practitioner, if need be. Help is always around the corner, but most of all, the greatest of help lies in your acceptance and within you.
We are all different, unique and special as individuals and have different approaches to things. You will be best suited to draw a plan of how you want to carry life. It is the responsibility of every individual to decide what they want and how they want it.
The way you manage adversity will define who you are and determine where you are heading; because that turn you call 'adversity' can be your opportunity for greatness.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Anger is a natural feeling, which every individual has the right to express, and that is why it is not totally condemnable. Anger is not necessarily bad for as long as it is expressed at the appropriate level, time, place and person. Uncontrollable anger is always negative, whether expressed or suppressed. When you repress your anger, it affects just about everything; relationships, health, performance, ability to enjoy and appreciate good things, amongst other things. Anger is a cover-up for other emotions such as fear, hurt and confusion. Sometimes, it may be expressed as a sign of insecurity or even self -loathe, without you knowing. For as long as you express your anger appropriately, when it serves a purpose, then, there shouldn't be any problem. Anger becomes a problem when it is delayed or repressed or when it is let out uncontrollably.
Some people believe that it's alright if they get angry, reckoning the emotion is necessary to their survival. It is never beneficial to allow your anger run your life. Some people believe anger is justifiable at some points and instances; but if you are able to justify your being angry, how will you justify your relapse? When you do not restrain your anger, making it become out of control, it makes you do irrational and hurtful things to yourself as well as whoever you are angry at. Anger causes emotional and even physical damage, and sometimes, it humiliates you. It brings about regret, guilt and embarrassment for the things you have said and done. It creates strained relationships and discomfort. Worse still, uncontrolled anger takes life.
It may not be extremely easy to maintain total peace when confronted with provoking or aggravating situations, but it is good to know that whenever you let loose your anger, you will be battered and hurt as much as the other person, if not more. Giving way for regular uncontrolled anger causes not only pain and disharmony, it suppresses your spiritual growth and disconnects you from your true essence, driving you away from your fundamental nature. It also gradually diminishes your self-esteem. Practising patience, self-restraint and learning to deal with your anger in a constructive way are the best tools for you. Dealing with uncontrollable anger can take time, lots of deliberate effort. Holding yourself together in the middle of a confrontation that could make you lose your temper chaotically, could be really demanding, but you may begin by asking yourself these questions:
- Why am I getting upset at this?
- Do I really have a good reason to get upset at this?
- Is it beneficial to let go of my cool?
- Do I have any concern with something else, or is this just this issue?
Asking these questions will help you understand your feelings and your reasons for your actions better.
Take a deep breath, fold your arms- do whatever it takes to buy time; try walking away in order to regain composure.
However, on a long term basis, you need to identify and come to terms with anger management as a problem for you. Think of all the damages and hurt anger has caused you in terms of your personal, health and work life and any other way you may think of. Once you realise how destructive your uncontrollable anger has been or could be, then you can begin to work towards putting it under control permanently.
How to control your anger
Approach anger constructively by trying to understand others, to see things from their perspective, accept and tolerate them. This will create the possibility to resolve the conflict amicably.
Engage in a discussion about what happened. Get someone else you can talk to about what's causing the anger. Share your experience. It helps you quell the heat every time you face a difficult situation.
Create an avenue for communication, whereby both parties can speak out about your feelings and concerns calmly without arguments and interruptions.
Do not be rigid. When it is appropriate, always seek resolution and compromise, rather than future discord.
Get creative-Learn to have fun and keep yourself busy doing something creative. E.g. sewing, knitting, singing, writing, music, arts/ crafts or any special skills or talents you have. It keeps your mind and thoughts positively in tune with ideas and helps you release tension.
Practise patience- This may be difficult especially if you are entirely full of energy and naturally impatient. You may require some specials skills to practice this, but you can firstly, cultivate the habit of staying calm and learn not to talk back at people when confronted. Seek to explain your side clearly and constructively. Be willing to accept your mistakes and be a good listener, giving all parties, the opportunity to communicate and be listened to.