Perspective makes the change

Thanks to the words of the Universe that fills my presence like a bloom verse. Oh! How stunning our perception of issues, situations  and events can change things for better or for worse.  The way you view a circumstance or a situation, determines the success you can achieve in managing the situation. Your view point on any issue or circumstance, greatly affects your mindset, thoughts and actions to follow, and that is why a positive mindset towards situations all good or bad; is most beneficial.  It is always best to  make an effort to examine the positive aspects of an event or a situation, even though, may seem unclear.

Your perspective or point of view, can subjectively colour your interpretation of events and circumstances, particularly when you focus primarily on how it affects you in the short term. Our perception affects almost every aspect of our lives, from simple conversations  to individual belief systems. Perception affects  your attitudes and overall disposition towards everything. Hence,  allowing a positive outlook will help you work towards turning things round and making the best of every situation you find yourself.  If you  perceive life negatively, your sub conscious mind tends to know and think only of the sorrows, darkness, failures and trials therein, that when happiness comes, your perception will not allow your consciousness apprehend and recognise it.  There is no doubt however, that the true state of your personal affairs may be worrisome, but perceiving it as "insurmountable",  is  greater harm, than looking differently, perhaps more positively, as to how to deal with the difficult situation.

Most times, positive outlook promotes positive attitudes towards situations, events and circumstances, which will help you face life challenges with courage and optimism.  When you travel new paths and embark on new journeys with courage, faith and vigour, your abilities will soar, and triumphant you will become. There is so much guidance around you when you look through problems and difficulties with faith and optimism, as it helps rebuild your trust in getting back to shape. Your thoughts will begin to mould towards the direction you have set your energies, and your actions will be dictated by your positively self-carved motivations.  

Sometimes, all it requires to see your life glow, may just be a change in your thoughts and old ways of doing things. Perhaps this will open doors to see an all new you, previously dusted  with false beliefs, making you think you were not capable of newer, greater achievements.

Procrastination

How many times have you reminded yourself about that project or goal you've just put on hold or shoved off ?  How many appointments have you called off or simply ignored because you thought it was better if scheduled for later, possibly another time more suitable or appropriate? Don't you forget, there may never be a suitable time until you are ready to make one available.

When you begin to postpone project  start date, shift appointment time unjustifiably, and make alterations on your 'to-do' list without concrete actions, you will be alarmed, when  you look back at time,  how needlessly, you've put it to so much misuse.

Now and then, when it pops to mind that you are procrastinating a project or something of that sort, and probably tell yourself "it's time I stopped procrastinating this project", possibly due to an urge to do something, an inspiration from someone else's  achievement or  just a personally induced  set plan to begin taking actions. This sort of feeling could  indeed produce an action that  could make massive difference you've always craved, rather than sitting on your marvellous dreams and aspirations all in the name of some flimsy excuses you may never get over, until you prepare to get over your fear and step beyond your comfort  zone. Not until that step is taken, the feeling, may well just be as meaningless.    

At this point, when you finally decide to take action, recognising and nurturing  the feeling of power and positivity comes as important as actually stepping out to make those very first crucial moves. Whether what you need to do, is drafting a list of requirements, set out and plan your goals and objectives in a smart, realistic and chronological order, or even a phone call to get it all started, putting in a meaningful action, is definitely a critical step to take, if your dream must become a reality.

No doubt many people procrastinate due to a general blame on time or sometimes, lack of fund to execute their projects or manage their goals. However, in true practicalities these more often than not, are not genuine reasons those projects couldn't  be implemented. This is because it takes readiness, courage , creativity and determination to find ways of reaching a dream land, rather than waiting endlessly in sheer expectation without any invention, to clear a regular , conventional path. Always blame yourself  and nothing else, anytime you procrastinate on your goals needlessly. For you to achieve anything , you must be prepared to take actions, face challenges and also take risks , at every single stage in developing, planning and achieving your goals.  It must be noted that it is not the grandest of action that will make things happen, rather, it is the positive, regular, focused tiny steps you begin to take that defines  where and how your dreams will lead.  Knowing how to formulate  your actions for successful implementation of your plans is highly important, with an added  tint of creativity in manipulating whatever comes your way, always to your advantage as much as you can, and most of all, your determination to succeed, will be a platform to build your actions and thoughts  on.            

10 Ways To Say NO

One of the reasons people get tied down to where they do not want to be, is because they have refused to say no to those circumstances that have continually tied them down. Whether it's a human factor or a  nagging situation, learning to say no at the right time, place  and in the right manner, gives you much more than feeling fulfilled, it also clears the path for you to live without blaming yourself or getting unnecessarily angry at yourself.

Your inability to say no will affect your productivity and efficiency, being the result of taking on too many commitments, and when you take on too many things at a time, performance or excellent performance becomes a problem. Do you have difficulty saying "no"? Are you always trying to be nice to others at your expense?

Well, you’re not alone. For some  reasons, many people have ditched the word 'no', to hurt themselves  while they please others. This is not to say that you shouldn't be nice to people, but do not be unfair to yourself while being nice to people.

Why you find it difficult to say "NO".

You don't want to hurt the other person’s feelings - Saying 'no', necessarily doesn't mean hurting other people's feelings. It all depends on how you say it and your intent for saying no. Although you necessarily do not have to justify your reason for saying 'no', it is a great Personal development practice to ensure it's best for you when you do so.

You don't want to  disappoint the person you’re saying 'no' to: We all get disappointed once in a while, and even nature as taught us to live by disappointments sometimes; when you can't help it, acknowledge it, and let the other person know, it's because you can't just fit it in. 

Willingness to help: Sometimes, we feel the urge to help, even if the weight pulls us down. Imagine a Camel on the Sahara, each time it takes on this particular luggage, it walks six steps and then it goes down, for three consecutive attempts it happened so, isn't time to take a break? That is exactly what happens to you when you aim to help out, even though you are not capable of helping out. Identify it, say it nicely and free your mind. If you go ahead, you may stop mid-way and that hurts more on  both sides.

You want to keep a long lasting relationship- If you must know, what keeps relationship, is being a true honest self, right from the outset. When  you continually please people for the wrong reasons, you will someday come to a point, where you can go no further and this is when you begin to disappoint people . You however have a duty to live up to it and take the step, knowing how to say no.

Don't want to  be rude: This is  just a 'mind -set', that when you say 'no', you are being rude . Saying  'no' does not necessarily mean being rude, rather the manner with which you say it, may be rude, and that is why you need to learn how to say 'no' nicely.

You want to be seen and called "Nice"- The only nice thing about being nice is feeling soulfully nice.

 To avoid  conflict: No matter how hard you try, some people just want you to accept whatever they want you to do and never seem to understand your  point of view. For this reason, or just because you assumed so, you feel jerky there  might be a conflict  if you reject him/her. What I will say is; try avoid any form of confrontation, try to say' no', as politely as you can, hold on to the fact that, it's simply because you can't afford to help the person, and sooner than later, you will feel the inner peace you deserve.

Over time,  I have come to  realize that  these reasons people fear to say no,  are basically, misconceptions. Saying “No” doesn’t mean all these things above, and do not necessarily  create a negative atmosphere. These are all false beliefs that have been built in the mind over time.

 10 Simple Ways To Say “No”

Rather than have it as a burden on you, just follow these simple ways to turn down things or situations you sincerely can't help.



1. "I Will not be able to this at this time."

2."No, I can’t."

3."This is not a really good time as I’m in the middle of something."

4."I will be privileged to assist once I complete this project".

5."No, not now,  you may get in touch later".

6. "I’d love to do this, but …"

7." I'm fully booked at the moment,  and will not be able to take up more responsibilities".

8."I’m not the best person to help on this."

9."How could you expect me to do a thing like that for you?"

10."I wish I could help..."

 Learning the art of saying no, may save more than the burden of getting overworked and having to live with limitless commitments.

The Benefits of coping with Adversity

..."My failing identity leaves me poorly

The absence of true life is sickly
Whether here or there I know not
Here is no longer where it ought
So hot hardly can bear
And no air; can I hear
In my silence I know solitude
For a dashed hope I take refuge
Such that my soul deserves not
...in my silence there is pain..."

                               Anthology of Poems. Mutiat Adebowale,2010.

The Human  structure is naturally inclined to put up with feelings such as Self-pity, self-rejection and pessimism, at the beat of the negatives that adversity tends to bring. For the fear of pain, torture and sufferings, people allow their minds to be evaded by twisting emotions they allow to rule them, rather than take full control of the situation.

Whether it's a chronic disease situation, family in disarray, financial calamity, life mess or career disappointments, there can always be a better way to view adversity, to effectively cope and manage the threats on your  happiness. You cannot eliminate adversity as, it is part of the challenges of nature, but you can train not to suffer from it.

When you look  beyond the negatives you feel towards a difficult situation, you will find that there is always an uplifting meaning you can attribute to it. All you need do is, switch angle, and view your situation from a different perspective. Adversities tend to come with specific lessons to be learnt and more often than not, they make you stronger if you allow a positive outlook to it. This is not to say there are no breaking points in life, but beyond this, is just a chance of rediscovery, if you do not give up hope, or give in to despair, worry and those other  emotions that creep in when challenges come.   When you fail to crumble, you can begin to feel the strength that lies within you, and communicate not with the pains of your body, but with the salvation in the power of your soul.

 When you positively appraise threatening events, you are more likely to adapt positively to the situation, creating positive changes in your personal and spiritual well being. Researchers have shown that finding benefits and reminding one's self of the benefits embedded in a rather difficult situation, can improve one's emotional well being, even at the most difficult of times.

 It is not surprising that during deep trials and challenges, relationships with family and friends become more strengthened, when you accept it, you will gain positive optimism,  patience, courage, resilience, tolerance and sometimes, a valued change in your life's  priorities. Adversities creates a whole new vision if your thoughts are properly channelled.

 The point is that, we generally have a  basic assumption of a "set-order" of life, which makes adversity become a shattering experience when it happens, because we have assumed we are invulnerable to harm and can set value to everyday event. In reality however, this is nothing but a personal theory that holds no ground. Knowing and accepting the realities of change helps you better accommodate the new  realities and build structures for your personal adaptation.


Managing Adversity

To effectively manage any crisis situation or any adversity, you need to acknowledge  it and accept it. Shying away from the challenges or not accepting it, will rather make it a bigger issue and extend the process and time to tackle it. Know that the powers to respond positively towards the adversity , eventually lies with you.

Be grateful for the other things that give you wholesome happiness, for in your gratitude, you will make a path for self-rediscovery, you will be able to look beyond your present situation and look ahead to the opportunities that lies beyond the present predicament. 

Reach for a higher state  of  superior self-awareness. Re-evaluate yourself. As earlier said, adversity helps you grow in mind and in soul, it makes you become resilient to events as they unfold and gives the opportunity for positive personality change, thereby helping you to practise and grow with a 'mind-set' you never once thought about.

Change your view point about it. Know that adversities are a part of life, and are mostly temporary as adversities if well handled. If it doesn't kill you, it helps you become stronger in life. Change your mental frame from seeing your situation as a problem to a prospect.

 By understanding that there also benefits in any situation you find yourself, no matter how difficult at first, you will be able to explore and understand the positives sides to your situation. You will also be able to put the new reality adversity brings, to a good use if you view it with an open mind.

Take action. Adversity demands you do something. You need to decide what steps you can almost immediately take to help yourself; no matter how little. Getting to do something no matter how small, is definitely more productive than doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity and complaining.

Develop new strategy, technique or a manner or get help from a professional therapist/practitioner, if need be. Help is always around the corner, but most of all, the greatest of help lies in your acceptance and within you.



We are all different, unique and special as individuals and have different approaches to things. You will be best suited to draw a plan of how you want to carry life. It is the responsibility of every individual to decide what they want and how they want it.  

 The way you manage adversity will define who you are and determine where you are heading; because that turn you call  'adversity' can be your opportunity for greatness.

Managing and controlling your anger effectively

Anger is a natural feeling, which every individual has the right to express, and that is why it is not totally condemnable. Anger is not necessarily bad for as long as it is expressed at the appropriate level, time, place and person. Uncontrollable anger is always negative, whether expressed or suppressed.   When you repress your anger, it affects just about everything; relationships, health, performance, ability to enjoy and appreciate good things, amongst other things.  Anger is a cover-up for other emotions such as fear, hurt and confusion. Sometimes, it may be expressed as a sign of insecurity or even self -loathe, without you knowing. For as long as you express your anger appropriately, when it serves a purpose, then, there shouldn't be any  problem. Anger  becomes a problem when it is delayed or repressed or when it is let out uncontrollably.

Some people believe that it's alright if they get angry, reckoning the emotion is necessary to their survival. It is never beneficial to allow your anger run your life. Some people believe anger is justifiable at some points and instances; but if you are able to justify your being angry, how will you justify your relapse? When you do not restrain  your anger, making it  become out of control, it makes you do irrational and hurtful things to yourself as well as whoever you are angry at. Anger causes emotional and even physical damage, and sometimes, it humiliates you.  It brings about regret, guilt and embarrassment for the things you have said and done. It creates strained relationships and discomfort. Worse still, uncontrolled  anger takes life.

It may not be extremely easy to maintain total peace when confronted with provoking or aggravating  situations, but it is good to know that whenever you  let loose your anger, you will be battered and hurt as much as the other person, if not more. Giving way for regular uncontrolled anger causes not only pain and disharmony, it suppresses  your spiritual  growth and disconnects you from your true essence, driving you away from your fundamental nature. It also gradually diminishes your self-esteem. Practising patience, self-restraint and learning to deal with your anger in a constructive way are the best tools for you.  Dealing with uncontrollable anger can take time, lots of deliberate  effort. Holding  yourself together in the middle of a confrontation that could make you lose your temper chaotically, could be really demanding, but you may begin by asking yourself these questions:

• Why am I getting upset at this?
• Do I really have a good reason to get upset at this?
• Is it beneficial to let go of my cool?
• Do I have any concern with something else, or is this just this issue?

Asking these questions will help  you understand your  feelings and your reasons for your actions  better.
 

Take a deep breath, fold your arms- do whatever it takes to buy time; try walking away in order to regain composure.

However, on a long term basis, you need to identify and come to terms with anger management as a problem for you. Think of all the damages and hurt anger has caused you in terms of your personal, health and work life and any other way you may think of. Once you realise how destructive your uncontrollable anger has been or could be, then you can begin to work towards putting it under control permanently.

 

How to control your anger

 

Approach anger constructively by trying to understand others, to see things from their perspective, accept and tolerate them. This will create the possibility to resolve the conflict amicably.

Engage in a discussion about what happened. Get someone else you can talk to about what's causing the anger. Share your experience. It helps you quell the heat every time you face a difficult situation.

Create an avenue for communication, whereby both parties can speak out about your feelings and concerns calmly without arguments and interruptions.

Do not be rigid. When it is appropriate, always seek resolution and compromise, rather than future discord.

Get creative-Learn to have fun and keep yourself busy doing something creative. E.g. sewing, knitting, singing, writing, music, arts/ crafts or any special skills or talents you have. It keeps your mind and thoughts positively in tune with  ideas and helps you release tension.

Practise patience- This may be difficult especially if you are entirely full of energy and naturally impatient. You may require some specials skills to practice this, but you can firstly, cultivate the habit of staying calm and learn not to talk back at people when confronted. Seek to explain your side clearly and constructively. Be willing to accept your mistakes and be a good listener, giving all parties, the opportunity to communicate and be listened to.

 

Release Your Physical Tension - Beat a cushion, throw punches at the sofa, do some exercise or bang a few well-built doors. Screw your face up several times in a mirror and then let the muscles relax. You can also growl, scream or shout in the mirror or at an empty room.

 

Encourage yourself with some Positive self-help statements, e.g. I can cope with this, I don't need to lose my temper for this, Calm down, take it easy, I won't take this personal,  it's not worth a fight etc.

 

Managing your anger is crucial to your total well being. Do something today.

Make your communication skills more effective

Communication is one of the most important tools with which we carry out our daily activities, it is a very useful ingredient in our bid to fulfil the essence of our livelihood.

Communication is the exchange of information between a sender and a receiver through a channel that must bear a communicative commonality between both parties. The communication process can only be complete if the receiver understands the sender, as this is the bedrock of any meaningful and effective communication. It is the chain of understanding that integrates all the parties involved in the communication process.

As important as communication is, in our personal and business lives, so also is the ability to ensure its effectiveness.

However, there are numerous problems that affect our communication, and hence, hinder it from being effective.

Simple issues that could be solved by being polite, analytical and constructive are being left to degenerate into conflict situations as parties refuse to reason along the path of what is being communicated.

 There is no doubt that up till this present day, the lack of honest and open communication is a common denominator in our dysfunctional families, societies and business relationships. This is because we continuously fail to communicate constructively, and in a straightforward way. There are marriages greatly suffering because partners cannot speak honestly and openly at issues affecting their marriage. We have seen marriages crumble because of couples’ inability to speak respectfully and constructively with each other, simply by failing to apply the basic communication requirements needed to promote tranquillity at home. Also, over 60% of work place problems are as a result of breakdown in communication between and among staff. This trend increasingly, implies that there is still the need to foster effective communication in all parts of our society.

  For communication to be effective and meaningful, you should always say what you mean the way you mean it and communicate your thoughts, feelings and opinions in a healthy and constructive way. The way you communicate is a manifestation of your wholeness as an individual and says a lot about you. If your communication skills fail to be adequately right, it snatches away the full benefit and potentials you can claim in both your social and spiritual world.

Sometimes, for the fear of unknown, or simply pulling back at something, you leave things unsaid, allowing them to fester within you, creating and deepening the roots of self- discomfort, dejection and perhaps hatred or other negative feelings towards yourself and the other person; invariably burying the cause for a great way to maintain good relationship both at home and at work; wherever it may have occurred,  because the other person, will not know what is in your mind and such habits breakdown relationships. Learning to improve your communication skills can have positive and permanent rewards for your business performances and personal relationships.

You should learn to be a better communicator, as this fosters and maintains good work environment and peaceful co-existence among people.   Language skills is though the primary form of communication, sometimes expressing our selves with other body languages may well be more adequate than just using words of mouth. These choices in ways of communicating makes it better to fully express your thoughts and feelings in different places, and different ways as suited by the situation. As much as you want to be a good communicator, so also should you learn to listen properly. We all know the hurt we feel when we realise that someone we are talking to is not listening, to us, but to gain such, attention, you should also exhibit interest in the other person’s feelings, thoughts and opinions. For any communication to be effective, listening is perhaps more important than talking, as the understanding that exists between both parties greatly, forms the bond.

Sometimes, being able to communicate effectively may require great practice, and a need to overcome your fear and self – consciousness. You may also need to actively learn to talk with other people, with the necessary communication skills. Skills to initiate conversation, keep it going and ending it appropriately may seem a bit difficult, but trying these tips will definitely simplify the process for you.

• Learn to communicate your thoughts, feelings and opinions   openly, honestly, and straightforwardly.

• Talking out of negative emotions such as anger, frustration, etc., is never beneficial as it rumples the communication process.
• When you have to give instructions or make numerous requests, do it sequentially, don’t muddle up things. Be logical, clear and direct when communicating and always complete your dialogues.
• Do not assume that your recipient knows what you intend to say.
• Understanding your communication skills and deficiencies help you structure your pattern and style of communication and ensures its effectiveness. Take time to study yourself and find ways to improve where necessary.
• Try to be flexible in your communication styles and approaches, by applying necessary and basic communication techniques at different times as you require.  
• You should exert some control over the flow of the communication. When you have difficulties in expressing yourself at any  given time, take a deep breath, get your points together, familiarise yourself with your message and see it flow within you as stress free as possible before voicing it out.
• Mind the tone of your verbal communication, as tones depict different meanings to what is said. Be sure of the impact you want your communication to have on your recipient in a bid to express yourself as intended and be understood in the same way.  
• Good listening makes communication more productive, particularly when we listen, to understand in an empathetic and non-judgemental way.
• Always communicate with the spirit of understanding, positivity and respect.

All these tips are useful to make communication processes more effective at work and at home.

As an individual, it is a personal responsibility to discover the power of your communicative potentials and of utmost importance to use it, positively to your advantage. The way you communicate tells other people how you perceive yourself and also influences how other people relate to you.

Ways to use music for effective self empowerment and actualisation

What is music to you? How does music affect you?

Generally, we may say music is an artful blend of sounds. It should also be harmonious, rhythmic and melodious.

However, to different people, music connotes different meanings and as such, it is responded to differently. Individual perception and responses to music greatly depends on taste, though, generally, music is perceived to be an exciting intake for human senses and well being, provided it is good music. What then constitutes good music?

You may like to consider what music has the ability to make you feel happy, sad, anxious, energetic, optimistic or depressed, so as to know how well to apply music to achieve positivity.  To add to the effect of music is the inserted lyric, which adds another dimension to it. If the words are uplifting you are more likely to feel encouraged about everything than listening to words that helps you go down in dejection.

Songs of hope, appreciation, songs strengthening your purpose in life and inspiring you  that you can make good of your life if you work hard and try;  and not sad songs that help you wallow more in  self-pity and  make you believe what’s lost is gone and there is no more hope for you, should you get attuned to .

Songs that will depress you further and render your energy and strength useless should generally be avoided for the sake of positive self-development. Only songs that will keep you going and help you look for ways to make the best out of life should be reckoned with. However, mindful and positive use of music can best be result oriented, because just like other intoxicants, so also can music intoxicate? Music should be listened to, proportionately, not allowing an overdose of it, and good music that will help you focus on positive trends are the best. Accurate appreciation and perception of music is a valuable skill you should aim to acquire.

Research has also shown music to play a significant part in the development of the synaptic connections in cell networks. This, in turn, has positive effects on children’s and adults’ learning abilities. A number of studies have shown the power of music as a plus to cognitive abilities like reasoning and motor skills. The ‘Mozart effect’ is just one example of the effect of music on intelligence.

Music is not just very powerful at affecting your mood state instantly; it overwhelms your entire make-up.
Once you are aware of how music affects you, this is your personal power, which you must use in choosing your kind of music, to attain what emotions you want to build up, e.g.  If you are feeling desperately tired, do certain tunes give you energy? What helps if you’re thinking gloomy?

For your own self-empowerment, music that inspires you to achieve positivity is just all you need.

Here are some of the other benefits of Music:

Music  enhances listening skills
It is a great tool for relaxation and helps reduce stress levels
Music prevents you from focusing on problems
It transforms negativity into positivity
It helps in developing one’s intelligence
It helps improve concentration and sometime allows for clearer thoughts

Consider how best music works for you and increase the benefits therein. It is one of the tools for greater self-actualisation which helps you take control of your life and working towards your goals and dreams. As you work more on your Self Development, adding music to your other tools,   will help you achieve more success.