- Why am I getting upset at this?
- Do I really have a good reason to get upset at this?
- Is it beneficial to let go of my cool?
- Do I have any concern with something else, or is this just this issue?
Monday, 5 September 2011
Managing and controlling your anger effectively
Anger is a natural feeling, which every individual has the right to express, and that is why it is not totally condemnable. Anger is not necessarily bad for as long as it is expressed at the appropriate level, time, place and person. Uncontrollable anger is always negative, whether expressed or suppressed. When you repress your anger, it affects just about everything; relationships, health, performance, ability to enjoy and appreciate good things, amongst other things. Anger is a cover-up for other emotions such as fear, hurt and confusion. Sometimes, it may be expressed as a sign of insecurity or even self -loathe, without you knowing. For as long as you express your anger appropriately, when it serves a purpose, then, there shouldn't be any problem. Anger becomes a problem when it is delayed or repressed or when it is let out uncontrollably.
Some people believe that it's alright if they get angry, reckoning the emotion is necessary to their survival. It is never beneficial to allow your anger run your life. Some people believe anger is justifiable at some points and instances; but if you are able to justify your being angry, how will you justify your relapse? When you do not restrain your anger, making it become out of control, it makes you do irrational and hurtful things to yourself as well as whoever you are angry at. Anger causes emotional and even physical damage, and sometimes, it humiliates you. It brings about regret, guilt and embarrassment for the things you have said and done. It creates strained relationships and discomfort. Worse still, uncontrolled anger takes life.
It may not be extremely easy to maintain total peace when confronted with provoking or aggravating situations, but it is good to know that whenever you let loose your anger, you will be battered and hurt as much as the other person, if not more. Giving way for regular uncontrolled anger causes not only pain and disharmony, it suppresses your spiritual growth and disconnects you from your true essence, driving you away from your fundamental nature. It also gradually diminishes your self-esteem. Practising patience, self-restraint and learning to deal with your anger in a constructive way are the best tools for you. Dealing with uncontrollable anger can take time, lots of deliberate effort. Holding yourself together in the middle of a confrontation that could make you lose your temper chaotically, could be really demanding, but you may begin by asking yourself these questions:
Asking these questions will help you understand your feelings and your reasons for your actions better.
Take a deep breath, fold your arms- do whatever it takes to buy time; try walking away in order to regain composure.
However, on a long term basis, you need to identify and come to terms with anger management as a problem for you. Think of all the damages and hurt anger has caused you in terms of your personal, health and work life and any other way you may think of. Once you realise how destructive your uncontrollable anger has been or could be, then you can begin to work towards putting it under control permanently.
Approach anger constructively by trying to understand others, to see things from their perspective, accept and tolerate them. This will create the possibility to resolve the conflict amicably.
Engage in a discussion about what happened. Get someone else you can talk to about what's causing the anger. Share your experience. It helps you quell the heat every time you face a difficult situation.
Create an avenue for communication, whereby both parties can speak out about your feelings and concerns calmly without arguments and interruptions.
Do not be rigid. When it is appropriate, always seek resolution and compromise, rather than future discord.
Get creative-Learn to have fun and keep yourself busy doing something creative. E.g. sewing, knitting, singing, writing, music, arts/ crafts or any special skills or talents you have. It keeps your mind and thoughts positively in tune with ideas and helps you release tension.
Practise patience- This may be difficult especially if you are entirely full of energy and naturally impatient. You may require some specials skills to practice this, but you can firstly, cultivate the habit of staying calm and learn not to talk back at people when confronted. Seek to explain your side clearly and constructively. Be willing to accept your mistakes and be a good listener, giving all parties, the opportunity to communicate and be listened to.