Anger is a
natural feeling, which every individual has the right to express, and that is
why it is not totally condemnable. Anger is not necessarily bad for as long as
it is expressed at the appropriate level, time, place and person. Uncontrollable
anger is always negative, whether expressed or suppressed. When you repress your anger, it affects just
about everything; relationships, health, performance, ability to enjoy and
appreciate good things, amongst other things. Anger is a cover-up for other emotions such as
fear, hurt and confusion. Sometimes, it may be expressed as a sign of
insecurity or even self -loathe, without you knowing. For as long as you
express your anger appropriately, when it serves a purpose, then, there
shouldn't be any problem. Anger becomes a problem when it is delayed or
repressed or when it is let out uncontrollably.
Some people
believe that it's alright if they get angry, reckoning the emotion is necessary
to their survival. It is never beneficial to allow your anger run your life.
Some people believe anger is justifiable at some points and instances; but if
you are able to justify your being angry, how will you justify your relapse?
When you do not restrain your anger,
making it become out of control, it makes
you do irrational and hurtful things to yourself as well as whoever you are
angry at. Anger causes emotional and even physical damage, and sometimes, it
humiliates you. It brings about regret,
guilt and embarrassment for the things you have said and done. It creates
strained relationships and discomfort. Worse still, uncontrolled anger takes life.
It may not be
extremely easy to maintain total peace when confronted with provoking or
aggravating situations, but it is good
to know that whenever you let loose your
anger, you will be battered and hurt as much as the other person, if not more. Giving
way for regular uncontrolled anger causes not only pain and disharmony, it
suppresses your spiritual growth and disconnects you from your true
essence, driving you away from your fundamental nature. It also gradually
diminishes your self-esteem. Practising patience, self-restraint and learning
to deal with your anger in a constructive way are the best tools for you. Dealing with uncontrollable anger can take
time, lots of deliberate effort. Holding
yourself together in the middle of a
confrontation that could make you lose your temper chaotically, could be really
demanding, but you may begin by asking yourself these questions:
- Why
am I getting upset at this?
- Do
I really have a good reason to get upset at this?
- Is
it beneficial to let go of my cool?
- Do
I have any concern with something else, or is this just this issue?
Asking these questions will help you understand your feelings and your reasons for your actions better.
Take a deep breath, fold your arms- do whatever it
takes to buy time; try walking away in order to regain composure.
However, on a long term basis, you need to identify
and come to terms with anger management as a problem for you. Think of all the
damages and hurt anger has caused you in terms of your personal, health and
work life and any other way you may think of. Once you realise how destructive
your uncontrollable anger has been or could be, then you can begin to work
towards putting it under control permanently.
How to control your anger
Approach
anger constructively by trying to understand others, to see things from their
perspective, accept and tolerate them. This will create the possibility to
resolve the conflict amicably.
Engage
in a discussion about what happened. Get someone else you can talk to about
what's causing the anger. Share your experience. It helps you quell the heat
every time you face a difficult situation.
Create
an avenue for communication, whereby both parties can speak out about your
feelings and concerns calmly without arguments and interruptions.
Do
not be rigid. When it is appropriate, always seek resolution and compromise,
rather than future discord.
Get
creative-Learn to have fun and keep yourself busy doing something creative. E.g.
sewing, knitting, singing, writing, music, arts/ crafts or any special skills
or talents you have. It keeps your mind and thoughts positively in tune
with ideas and helps you release
tension.
Practise patience- This may be difficult especially if
you are entirely full of energy and naturally impatient. You may require some
specials skills to practice this, but you can firstly, cultivate the habit of
staying calm and learn not to talk back at people when confronted. Seek to
explain your side clearly and constructively. Be willing to accept your
mistakes and be a good listener, giving all parties, the opportunity to
communicate and be listened to.
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