Monday, 18 July 2011

Marriage tips to live with after your wedding day

Why choose wedding over marriage?

While some people go into marriage for all it takes, bearing in mind that it needs a lot of hard work, sacrifices and great values to make it work, other people simply welter in the glamour and grandness of the wedding. Marriage is a natural institute set up by the laws of nature, it is definitely wonderful no doubt, but a proper mind set, could be all that is required for a ‘happy married life’.

Over centuries ago, weddings have become as famous as the world we live in and increasingly it rose from ordinary family affairs to huge societal festivities. Because of the uniqueness of the day, it has been termed as a bride’s most glorious day in her lifetime. However beneath the underlining tones and embellishment of the day lies the realities of marriage. There are definitely no formal classes, courses or educational programmes that can teach the tenets and essentials of a successful marriage, what matters is the couple’s concern and consciousness to make the marriage real can never be underestimated. While a lot of people wallow in the fancy and glamour of their wedding day, they have simply forgotten to take notes of the rudiments of a workable married relationship. However true it is that there is no expert that can teach precisely how couples should live together amicably, there are still values every couple who believes in marriage should stick with.   

Purpose for marriage- There should be an ultimate purpose for marriage which generally should be the love that the couple share and hold for each other. As the realities of marriage unfolds, couples will realise that love is not enough to keep the happy times unending and so the essential values do need to get to work if marriages must last. Most of the time, when true lovers unfortunately break their marriage, it usually is because they ignored or failed to apply the essentials of marriage or did not foresee what their actions could cause which inevitably sows in them a pang of guilt.
Respect—Respect is definitely of core importance to couples as this constantly reminds you of what you mean to each other. No one likes to be treated like nobody, because that steals away any individual’s confidence and self-worth, but in a marriage all it takes is a really good talking about it. Sometimes, you make some mistakes without the intention to hurt your partners, but once pointed out, should be fine.  In particular, men like to be respected and to be in control. So, it’s important to let your husband think he is in control. We all know that the woman runs the show, but it’s good when you let the man think he does! It really works well.

Perseverance- The idea that everything is rosy and everyday will be full of great surprises and lovely treats is a fallacy. Some days will be great, a few others will be bad; depending on what you term good or bad. Whenever things are not exactly the way you would have loved it, still persevere, remember that it will always get better if you give it the chance and put in an effort.

Tolerance-For some reasons, some strange behaviour emerges after marriage that you find difficult to put up with. Always have it in mind, that as human beings, we sometimes fail to be consistent. You should have a heart to tolerate your spouse, talk about the need for change, act in a way to promote the desired change and accept it as some of the flaws of the human nature, after all no human being is unfailing.

Compromise-If you always want your life to go as planned or as you want it, you may have to rethink. Certain issues come up in marriage that will give you no better choice than to bend your rules, and most times this sort of rule bending don’t kill. They rather bring peace, progress, love and unity. Be gentle to each other and always resolve an issue between both of you as it happens, never let an argument carry on too long.

Communication- Why will any two people come together as one if they will merely speak to each other like strangers? Communication is a really effective tool at attaining most of life’s successes in all situations. When you speak about your deepest worries, problems, successes and hopes, you will further strengthen the bonds of the marriage that you built together.

Patience- Patience is one of the greatest virtues one can possess. The fact that couples need to exercise patience when dealing with most domestic problems and issues that arise cannot be over emphasized. When you frequently lose your patience over issues that could be resolved amicably in no time, you lose your value and debase your marriage thereby looking for an end to it. Patience is essential; it allows you to make up in real time and shuts out unnecessary anger, aggressiveness and bad temperaments.

Trust- Just as important as your everyday living together is, so also is the level of trust that must exist between the two of you. Where trust fails, there is nothing left. Learn to trust each other, believe in yourselves and always work together as a team.  

Try doing new things-Spice up your marriage by introducing new and adventurous activities that keeps it all fresh .Don’t be mundane. Take great nice walks together, feel the fresh air around you, explore some DIYs together, share and chat about what’s on in the news, have a nice day out, eat together at the table and talk. Always remain attractive and appealing to yourselves and try to do what you two love as a couple often. 

Be loving and forgiving helpful to each other. You need to grow in love emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

Appreciate- When you give yourselves enough praise, making your spouse feel appreciated for all he/she does, you will spur yourselves into doing something better another time. Nothing should be made a challenge because you are not both running a race. Whatever you do should be for the benefit of both of you and the children if so be the case.

Don’t always believe you are right- Accept your mistakes and love to make amends. Even when you are right, accept some blames for the sake of love, that peace may reign. Know that one person has to give more than the other; don’t always expect a 50-50 situation all the time. It’s not possible and the earlier you accept that, the better for your marriage.

Marriage is a continuous working Centre. It needs to be constantly and gently nurtured. You can't become complacent nor can you accept anything but the best from yourself and from your spouse. It's a business forever-unfinished, requires you to keep working on it, going back to add details, make amends and corrections where necessary time and again. It's a team effort that requires the energies of both parties and if one isn't on board, it will gradually break down.

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