The Benefits of coping with Adversity

..."My failing identity leaves me poorly

The absence of true life is sickly
Whether here or there I know not
Here is no longer where it ought
So hot hardly can bear
And no air; can I hear
In my silence I know solitude
For a dashed hope I take refuge
Such that my soul deserves not
...in my silence there is pain..."

                               Anthology of Poems. Mutiat Adebowale,2010.

The Human  structure is naturally inclined to put up with feelings such as Self-pity, self-rejection and pessimism, at the beat of the negatives that adversity tends to bring. For the fear of pain, torture and sufferings, people allow their minds to be evaded by twisting emotions they allow to rule them, rather than take full control of the situation.

Whether it's a chronic disease situation, family in disarray, financial calamity, life mess or career disappointments, there can always be a better way to view adversity, to effectively cope and manage the threats on your  happiness. You cannot eliminate adversity as, it is part of the challenges of nature, but you can train not to suffer from it.

When you look  beyond the negatives you feel towards a difficult situation, you will find that there is always an uplifting meaning you can attribute to it. All you need do is, switch angle, and view your situation from a different perspective. Adversities tend to come with specific lessons to be learnt and more often than not, they make you stronger if you allow a positive outlook to it. This is not to say there are no breaking points in life, but beyond this, is just a chance of rediscovery, if you do not give up hope, or give in to despair, worry and those other  emotions that creep in when challenges come.   When you fail to crumble, you can begin to feel the strength that lies within you, and communicate not with the pains of your body, but with the salvation in the power of your soul.

 When you positively appraise threatening events, you are more likely to adapt positively to the situation, creating positive changes in your personal and spiritual well being. Researchers have shown that finding benefits and reminding one's self of the benefits embedded in a rather difficult situation, can improve one's emotional well being, even at the most difficult of times.

 It is not surprising that during deep trials and challenges, relationships with family and friends become more strengthened, when you accept it, you will gain positive optimism,  patience, courage, resilience, tolerance and sometimes, a valued change in your life's  priorities. Adversities creates a whole new vision if your thoughts are properly channelled.

 The point is that, we generally have a  basic assumption of a "set-order" of life, which makes adversity become a shattering experience when it happens, because we have assumed we are invulnerable to harm and can set value to everyday event. In reality however, this is nothing but a personal theory that holds no ground. Knowing and accepting the realities of change helps you better accommodate the new  realities and build structures for your personal adaptation.


Managing Adversity

To effectively manage any crisis situation or any adversity, you need to acknowledge  it and accept it. Shying away from the challenges or not accepting it, will rather make it a bigger issue and extend the process and time to tackle it. Know that the powers to respond positively towards the adversity , eventually lies with you.

Be grateful for the other things that give you wholesome happiness, for in your gratitude, you will make a path for self-rediscovery, you will be able to look beyond your present situation and look ahead to the opportunities that lies beyond the present predicament. 

Reach for a higher state  of  superior self-awareness. Re-evaluate yourself. As earlier said, adversity helps you grow in mind and in soul, it makes you become resilient to events as they unfold and gives the opportunity for positive personality change, thereby helping you to practise and grow with a 'mind-set' you never once thought about.

Change your view point about it. Know that adversities are a part of life, and are mostly temporary as adversities if well handled. If it doesn't kill you, it helps you become stronger in life. Change your mental frame from seeing your situation as a problem to a prospect.

 By understanding that there also benefits in any situation you find yourself, no matter how difficult at first, you will be able to explore and understand the positives sides to your situation. You will also be able to put the new reality adversity brings, to a good use if you view it with an open mind.

Take action. Adversity demands you do something. You need to decide what steps you can almost immediately take to help yourself; no matter how little. Getting to do something no matter how small, is definitely more productive than doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity and complaining.

Develop new strategy, technique or a manner or get help from a professional therapist/practitioner, if need be. Help is always around the corner, but most of all, the greatest of help lies in your acceptance and within you.



We are all different, unique and special as individuals and have different approaches to things. You will be best suited to draw a plan of how you want to carry life. It is the responsibility of every individual to decide what they want and how they want it.  

 The way you manage adversity will define who you are and determine where you are heading; because that turn you call  'adversity' can be your opportunity for greatness.

Managing and controlling your anger effectively

Anger is a natural feeling, which every individual has the right to express, and that is why it is not totally condemnable. Anger is not necessarily bad for as long as it is expressed at the appropriate level, time, place and person. Uncontrollable anger is always negative, whether expressed or suppressed.   When you repress your anger, it affects just about everything; relationships, health, performance, ability to enjoy and appreciate good things, amongst other things.  Anger is a cover-up for other emotions such as fear, hurt and confusion. Sometimes, it may be expressed as a sign of insecurity or even self -loathe, without you knowing. For as long as you express your anger appropriately, when it serves a purpose, then, there shouldn't be any  problem. Anger  becomes a problem when it is delayed or repressed or when it is let out uncontrollably.

Some people believe that it's alright if they get angry, reckoning the emotion is necessary to their survival. It is never beneficial to allow your anger run your life. Some people believe anger is justifiable at some points and instances; but if you are able to justify your being angry, how will you justify your relapse? When you do not restrain  your anger, making it  become out of control, it makes you do irrational and hurtful things to yourself as well as whoever you are angry at. Anger causes emotional and even physical damage, and sometimes, it humiliates you.  It brings about regret, guilt and embarrassment for the things you have said and done. It creates strained relationships and discomfort. Worse still, uncontrolled  anger takes life.

It may not be extremely easy to maintain total peace when confronted with provoking or aggravating  situations, but it is good to know that whenever you  let loose your anger, you will be battered and hurt as much as the other person, if not more. Giving way for regular uncontrolled anger causes not only pain and disharmony, it suppresses  your spiritual  growth and disconnects you from your true essence, driving you away from your fundamental nature. It also gradually diminishes your self-esteem. Practising patience, self-restraint and learning to deal with your anger in a constructive way are the best tools for you.  Dealing with uncontrollable anger can take time, lots of deliberate  effort. Holding  yourself together in the middle of a confrontation that could make you lose your temper chaotically, could be really demanding, but you may begin by asking yourself these questions:

• Why am I getting upset at this?
• Do I really have a good reason to get upset at this?
• Is it beneficial to let go of my cool?
• Do I have any concern with something else, or is this just this issue?

Asking these questions will help  you understand your  feelings and your reasons for your actions  better.
 

Take a deep breath, fold your arms- do whatever it takes to buy time; try walking away in order to regain composure.

However, on a long term basis, you need to identify and come to terms with anger management as a problem for you. Think of all the damages and hurt anger has caused you in terms of your personal, health and work life and any other way you may think of. Once you realise how destructive your uncontrollable anger has been or could be, then you can begin to work towards putting it under control permanently.

 

How to control your anger

 

Approach anger constructively by trying to understand others, to see things from their perspective, accept and tolerate them. This will create the possibility to resolve the conflict amicably.

Engage in a discussion about what happened. Get someone else you can talk to about what's causing the anger. Share your experience. It helps you quell the heat every time you face a difficult situation.

Create an avenue for communication, whereby both parties can speak out about your feelings and concerns calmly without arguments and interruptions.

Do not be rigid. When it is appropriate, always seek resolution and compromise, rather than future discord.

Get creative-Learn to have fun and keep yourself busy doing something creative. E.g. sewing, knitting, singing, writing, music, arts/ crafts or any special skills or talents you have. It keeps your mind and thoughts positively in tune with  ideas and helps you release tension.

Practise patience- This may be difficult especially if you are entirely full of energy and naturally impatient. You may require some specials skills to practice this, but you can firstly, cultivate the habit of staying calm and learn not to talk back at people when confronted. Seek to explain your side clearly and constructively. Be willing to accept your mistakes and be a good listener, giving all parties, the opportunity to communicate and be listened to.

 

Release Your Physical Tension - Beat a cushion, throw punches at the sofa, do some exercise or bang a few well-built doors. Screw your face up several times in a mirror and then let the muscles relax. You can also growl, scream or shout in the mirror or at an empty room.

 

Encourage yourself with some Positive self-help statements, e.g. I can cope with this, I don't need to lose my temper for this, Calm down, take it easy, I won't take this personal,  it's not worth a fight etc.

 

Managing your anger is crucial to your total well being. Do something today.